the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
