You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
