She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
