i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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