just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
