hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
then he tried to convert me to islam
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Drake has all the answers
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
