I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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