does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
