I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
