hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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