is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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