Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
