so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
