Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
