just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
