whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
