I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Randomize
