I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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