Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
