I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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