You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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