You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Randomize
