I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
