Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
