i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
