my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
