Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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