I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
