Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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