i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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