i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
