I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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