how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Randomize
