his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
