were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
