that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
