I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
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