Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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