its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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