i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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