i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
