I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
