i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
