What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
