Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
