worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
