Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
