ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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