I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
