turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I want her autograph on my taint
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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