My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
