I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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