upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Randomize
