He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
