Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
a search helicopter?!
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
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