Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
